main hoon na
Friday, July 23, 2004
there are still a lot of questions running through my mind.
but that is me.
i know.
i can never seem to stop questionning everything.
today im sick.
got the bugging flu.
n im feeling hot n cold at the same time.
which is a real bugger feeling.
anyways...
i dunno wat i want to write in this entry.
but somehow i am reminded of the past today.
guess this is wat happens when u are sick.
i am feeling nostalgic i suppose.
this weekend there is a lot of work to be done.
but i want to just relax n take it easy.
considering that i am sick.
i am really worried about my studies.
though i might say i dont care..
but i do want to go somewhere.
oh god..
thoughts of miss azlin(now i am able to call her tt) creep in my head.
there are just some things u regret in life.
and a lot of things i did during tt period of time in my life.
i will always regret.
i can't say that she was completely not to be blamed.
but i cant say that she was totally at fault.
its not so much the fact tt we are not close anymore.
its more the symbolism of the broken relationship and the
fake?? or forced relationship tt we have now.
the symbolism of my destructive nature.
my self destructive nature.
how i can misconstrue a fact.
or break someone's heart.
i know that i did hurt her.
i hurt her too much till she couldnt look pass what i said and what i did to forgive me.
that can only mean one thing.
that i was evil.
that i did horrible things.
and i am ashamed of that.
ashamed of what i can do to destroy the one thing i treasured so much.
but one thing i wont regret of tt period in my life.
one thing i always will never regret..
i will never regret those times i spent with her- the real her.
the miss azlin i knew.
the times when she was just herself with me.
the shy arrogant little girl.
the things i learnt from her- humility, compassion, faith.
the things i learnt from having known her- trust, love.
and i would say that she opened up my world.
and has somehow or rather made me who i am today.
thank you.
i will forever be indebted.
you will always be a painful but yet beautiful memory.
and my darling angel.
my baby.
my love.
how do i even begin to describe you?
how do i even begin to describe how beautiful you are?
and how much i love and need you.
i am so blessed.
to have been given such love.
to have received such love.
love that asks for nothing.
love that years nothing.
neverending love.
and i believe baby.
i believe in you n me.
*love can be so painful. and so cruel. so harsh. but the beauty, the swelling of ur heart, the lightness of ur being as if u were floating in space...the natural high, it erases all the bad feelings and makes everything seem alright.
love teaches us to be strong. it teaches us to believe. and it opens up our heart
i will never give up on this love*
--insignificant lies--
9:33 pm
